The Short Career of Magical Girl Nagisa
by Lord22
Summary: Nagisa loves cheese. A lot. So she sold her immortal soul to Kyubey for money to buy as much cheese as she could carry. What could possibly go wrong? Inspired by Monty Python.


**The Short Career of Magical Girl Nagisa:**

Nagisa made her way down the street with a spring in her step, her white soul gem in one hand and a large packet of money in the other. Finding what she was looking for, a cheese shop, she opended the door and entered. Within there was a boy playing the violin quite well.

She walked past the boy and approached the shopkeeper, who smiled. 'Good morning ma'am.'

'Good morning. I was finishing up my homework at the library when I was suddenly approached by a strange cat rabbit creature which offered me any one wish in exchange for my mortal soul.' said Nagisa 'So I wished for money to buy as much curdled milk as I am able to carry.'

'Come again?' said the shopkeep.  
'I sold my immortal soul for cheese.' said Nagisa.

'Oh, I thought you were complaining about the music.' said the shopkeeper.

'Oh no I love classical music, especially when played by child prodigies.' said Nagisa 'Now I'd like some cheese.'

'Of course, ma'am.' said the shopkeep. 'What would you like?'

'Well how about some Red Lester.' asked Nagisa.

'I'm afraid we're fresh out of Red Lester, ma'am.' said the shopkeep.

'Alright, how are you on Tilset?' asked Nagisa.

'Never at the end of the week ma'am, I always get it first thing on monday.' said the shopkeep.

'No matter. Well four ounces of Curfilli, please.' said Nagisa.

'Well it's been on order for two weeks ma'am, I was expecting it this morning.' said the shopkeep.  
Nagisa felt a twinge of irritation as her soul gem got a spot of darkness in it. 'Yes. It's not my day, is it? Alpase?'

'Sorry.' said the shopkeep.

'Red Lester?' asked Nagisa.

'Normally ma'am yes.' said the shopkeep 'But today the van broke down.'

'Ah. Stilton?' said Nagisa.

'Sorry.' said the shopkeep.

'Guamantall?' asked Nagisa.

'No.'

'Any Norweigen Yarlsburger?'

'No.'

'Liptar?'

'No.'

The violin was beginning to annoy Nagisa. She put it from her mind. 'Lancaster?'

'No.'

'White Stilton?'

'No.'

'Danish Blue?'

'No.'

'Double Glouster?'

'No.'

'Cheshire?'

'No.'

'Any Dorset Blue Vinnie?'

'No.'

'Bree? Reckefore? Porselu? Sevorui? Sampurger? Boughsan? Peldershampine? Camenberg?' Nagisa felt her soul gem steadily darkening with anger as the shopkeeper shook his head.

'Ah! We do have some Camenberg!' said the shopkeeper.

'Excellent.' said Nagisa.

'It's uh… a bit runny, ma'am.' said the shopkeep.

'Oh no I like it runny.'

'Well as a matter of fact, it's very runny ma'am.' said the shopkeep.

'No matter. No matter! Hand it over.' said Nagisa.

'I think it's runnier than you like it, ma'am.' said the shopkeeper.

'I don't care how gosh darned runny it is.' said Nagisa in fury. 'Hand it over now.'

'Right.' The shopkeeper took a step back and looked down. 'Oh!'

'What?' said Nagisa.

'The cat's eaten it.' said the shopkeeper.

'…Has she?' asked Nagisa. 'Gudau?'

'No.'

'Edau.'

'No.'

'Katliss?'

'No.'

'Austrian?'

'No.'

'You do have some cheese, though?' said Nagisa.

'Certainly ma'am. It's a cheese shop. We've got-' began the shopkeep.

'No, no, no! I want to guess!' said Nagisa, soul gem now almost completely black.

'Fair enough.' said the shopkeep.

'Windsleydale?'

'Yes sir?'

'Great, I'll have some of that then please.' said Nagisa.

'Oh I'm sorry ma'am, I thought you were referring to me. Mr. Windsleydale.' said Windsleydale.

Nagisa looked at him hard as unholy whispers filled her mind. 'Guadenzerger?'

'No.' said Windsleydale.

'Parmesan?'

'No.'

'Mozerella?'

'No.'

'Pepper Trail?'

'No.'

'Any Danish Finbow?'

'No.'

'Sheep's Milk Cheese?'

'No.'

'Beaver Cheese?'

'Not today ma'am, no.'

'Well let's keep it simple.' said Nagisa, knowing there was one type of cheese everyone had in stock. 'How about Cheddar?'

'Well I'm afraid we don't get much call for Cheddar around here?' said Windsleydale.

'Don't get much call?!' roared Nagisa 'It's the single most popular type of cheese in the world!'

'Not around these parts, ma'am.' said Windsleydale.

'Well what is then?' asked Nagisa.

'Illchester, ma'am.'

'I see.'

'Yes ma'am it's quite staggeringly popular around here.'

'Is it?' asked Nagisa. Her soul gem was cracking.

'Yes ma'am, it's our number one seller.' said Windsleydale.

'Really?' asked Nagisa.

'Yes ma'am.'

'Illchester huh?'

'Right.'

'Fine. I'll play along. Have you got any Illchester, she asked, expecting the answer no.' said Nagisa.

'I'll have a look ma'am.' Windsleydale had a look. 'Nope, fresh out.'

'This isn't much of a cheese shop, is it?' asked Nagisa, eyes glowing with an unholy light.

'Finest in town, ma'am.' said Windsleydale.

'What are you basing that off of?' asked Nagisa.

'Well it's so clean.' said Windsleydale.

'Well it's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.' mused Nagisa.

Dead silence.

'…You haven't asked me about Limberger, ma'am.' said Windsleydale.

'Is it worth it?' asked Nagisa.

'Could be.' said Windsleydale.

'Okay-' Nagisa whirled around. 'WILL YOU SHUT THAT BLOODY VIOLIN UP!'

The boy halted and quickly left.

'Told you so.' said Windsleydale.

'Have you got any limberger?' asked Nagisa.

'No.' said Windsleydale.

'No, that figures. It was a bit predictable really, it was an act of pure optimism to pose the question in the first place.' said Nagisa 'Be honest with me, do you actually have any cheese here?'

'Yes ma'am.' said Windsleydale.

'Now I'm going to ask you that again, and if you say no I'm going to chomp your head off.' said Nagisa 'Do you have any cheese?'

'No.' said Windsleydale.

Nagisa roared as her soul gem exploded and the room was suddenly surrounded by massive wheels of cheese and donuts. She herself took the form of doll, and then out of that doll came a huge worm with razor sharp teeth with bit Windsleydale's head off.

* * *

Meanwhile Kyubey had been watching from the sidelines. 'What a senseless waste of a wish.' With that he put a cowboy hat on and went to go meet Madoka and Sayaka.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

Many people have spent a great deal of time speculating as to what kind of tragic backstory the Witch Charlotte must have. What drove her to become what she is? Why did she make a contract? What did she wish for.

This is my answer.


End file.
